Sex after long illness

Dear Rebecca,

My wife and I used to have a great sex life but my severe health issues over the last 10 years has pretty much put a stop to that. The doctors have told me it’s ok for me to pursue a sex life again, but to be honest, I’m not even sure where to start. It’s been so long. Any suggestions?

Thank you,


Hi Paul,

Thank you for your email. It is not uncommon for health issues to get in the way of our sex lives and after a long time, it can be hard to know how to get it going again. The good news is that it is almost always possible to find a way.

I would suggest starting by having a chat with your wife. Tell her that you feel ready to get your sex life back on track and listen to what she has to say. She might be feeling a bit nervous or unsure as it has been a while. She might also have concerns about your health. Reassure her that you’re ok and that the doctors have given you the all clear. Let her know that you feel a bit unsure or vulnerable too.

Find a way to ease back into things. Why not start back at the beginning, as if you were dating again? Try flirting with her, being a bit more physically affectionate – not in a way that puts pressure on her, but that let’s her know you’re interested. Hold hands, kiss like teenagers or ask her to slow dance with you. Press your bodies together and let them remember how good it felt to be close to each other.

When you’re ready to get a bit sexier, talk about what you’d both like. Ask her what would feel good to her, how she’d like to be pleasured and tell her the same information about you. Eventually you will get back into the swing of it  and you’ll find your way again.

Wishing you lots of sexy, sensual and fun times together.

With love,



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