I recently became a new mum and since the baby was born (6 months ago) I just don’t feel like having sex. I’m worried my partner will not be understanding for much longer and would really like to have my sex drive back. What would you suggest?
Thank you for your email. It is not uncommon at all for some women to lose their sex drive after having a baby. There are lots of reasons for it and it is absolutely possible to get it back.
During pregnancy and after the baby is born, your hormones are changing frequently and radically. This can cause your sex drive to increase, decrease or just change all together. They will eventually settle and you will start to feel more balanced and like yourself again.
Tiredness and fatigue is also often a big factor in loss of sex drive after a baby is born. It can be hard to find the time to sleep and keep on top of things that need to be done. See if you can either delegate some of the chores or just leave them for a while. Sometimes looking after yourself means choosing much needed rest over doing the washing up.
Many women find that their bodies just feel different or unfamiliar after having a baby. Take some time to get re acquainted with your post birth body. Touch and massage your body with lovely creams or oils. Ask your partner to gently massage your belly and to touch you as if for the first time. Try taking a bath together where you can really relax, soak and spend some intimate time together.
Remember that it doesn’t have to be full penetrative sex or nothing. There are lots of ways to be intimate and sexual without intercourse. Take turns with your partner asking for something you’d like to receive that isn’t penetration. Explore soft gentle stroking with your hands or feathers. Experiment with new sex toys. Tell each other your fantasies and watch each other masturbate.
Most importantly, talk with your partner about how you’re feeling. Sometimes when there’s been a gap of intimacy it can feel scary to come back to it. Let him know that you do want to be intimate but just need to ease back into it. Ask him to be gentle and patient with you and most of all, be patient and gentle with yourself.
If you try these things and still feel stuck, speak to your GP or find a sacred sexual healer or practitioner who can work with you to clear any stuck energy and help you find your way back to your juicy, sexy self.
With love and delight,