Our sex life has dwindled

Dear Rebecca,

My partner and I used to have a great sex life, but it has really dwindled over the last year or so. I’d like to talk to him about it, but am afraid of making things worse or pushing him away. Do you have any advice on how to start a conversation with him?



Hi Melissa,

Thank you for your email. I’m sorry to hear that your sex life has slowed down recently. I appreciate your concern about speaking with your partner. Here are a few ideas to get that conversation started:

Give some thought to where and when you will broach the subject with him. You will both likely feel vulnerable, so find a time and space that you will both feel safe and comfortable in. Make sure you both have plenty of time and that neither of you has to be somewhere soon after the chat.

Start by telling how much you love him and your relationship. Let him know that you feel vulnerable bringing up the subject of your sex life, but that it’s really important to you. As gently as you can, tell him that you’re missing the closeness and intimacy you used to share and that you’re wondering what you can do together as a couple to bring it back. Be really careful to not lay blame on either him or yourself. You don’t want to slide down that slippery slope!

Perhaps you could suggest some things for the two of you to try. How about some outrageous flirting, mutual massages or just talking about what you used to like and what you’d like to get up to again?

I wish you the best of luck and hope it all goes really well for you.

With love,


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