Not enjoying sex anymore

Dear Rebecca,

I have been with my partner for about 18 months and up till recently sex has been great. However, for the last couple of months, I’ve not been enjoying sex and am not sure what to do about it. Please can you help?




Hi Karen,

Thank you for your email. There are lots of reasons we might stop enjoying sex and thankfully, most of the time it’s temporary.

Are you or your partner currently experiencing more stress than usual or have there been any big life changes recently? Anything from added pressure at work to moving home to bereavement can temporarily preoccupy us and make it difficult to stay present during sex.

Has something recently changed in your relationship? Sometimes changes to your connection with your partner can make sex feel different. If you’re used to things being a certain way, it could take time for any changes to feel normal and natural.

Are you experiencing any pain or discomfort during sex? That would certainly be a mood killer. If that’s the case, speak to your GP, a sex therapist or sexual health clinic about it. A professional should be able to advise you of the best possible course of action for your particular circumstances.

Sometimes we might be preoccupied with things going on in our lives or even a bit numbed out by difficult times. It can then occasionally be the case that we become a bit numb during sex too. I would strongly recommend talking to your partner about how you’re feeling. Maybe slowing things down or taking a new or different approach will bring back the pleasure and enjoyment.

With love,




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