I have been with my partner for about 9 months and in this time he has never ejaculated when he’s been inside me. It wasn’t a problem at first, but now I really wish he could. He doesn’t seem too bothered about it but I would like him to be able to or at least have the choice. Can you help?
Thank you for your email. Believe it or not it’s not that uncommon for a man to find it difficult to ejaculate during penetration. There are lots of different reasons for this, whether physical, mental, emotional or even spiritual and most of them are fairly easy to resolve. Sometimes the problem runs a bit deeper, but can still usually be overcome.
Talk to your partner about what he feels might be going on. It could be that he is too focused on ‘performance’ and pleasing you or that he has some fears around intimacy or being sexual. Some men find that they have a fear of making a woman pregnant or the much talked about fear of commitment. He might not even be aware of these fears, but talking about them and bringing them out into the open can start to clear them up.
Be patient with him as he’s exploring these things. Once he recognises what’s going on things may start to improve, but he’ll need your love and support. Remember, it’s not personal to you, it’s just what’s going on for him.
It’s also possible that previous to or during your relationship he’s become accustomed to pleasuring himself and has become desensitised to other ways of being stimulated. If this is the case, ask him to masturbate a bit less and to focus on the love making a bit more. When you are having sex, slow down and let him get used to the sensation. Remember you are in this as a team so work together to help him get used to new ways of reaching orgasm and ejaculation. I’d strongly suggest slowing down penetration so he can feel each and every movement, breathing deeply together and getting him to focus on the feelings in his cock. When he gets near to orgasm, help him focus on ‘catching the wave’. Again, be patient and as supportive as you can.
You haven’t mentioned anything about your partner’s health so If he has any health problems, ask him to see his GP or a sexual health professional in addition to the suggestions above.
Wishing you lots of sexy fun together.