My first date with a man

Dear Rebecca,

I’ve thought for a long time that I might be bisexual but have never done anything about it. I recently met a nice guy at a party and he’s asked me out. I said yes, but am really nervous. What if he wants to have sex on our first night? I’m not sure I’ll know what to do and don’t want to look foolish.



Hi Tom,

Thank you for your email. How wonderful that you’re about to explore this new side of yourself. It’s quite normal to feel vulnerable and slightly nervous when you open up to new desires, feelings and situations.

As this is your first date with a man, I’d recommend taking it slowly. Just get to know him and see how you feel. There is no requirement for you to jump into bed on the first date. Even if he wants you to, you can politely say no thank you.

If things do heat up and you find yourself wanting to be more sexual with him, (either on this date or future dates) let him know that it’s your first time. It’s really ok to let him know that you’re a bit nervous. For all you know he might be feeling nervous too!

Think of it as an adventure. You can go at your own pace, and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Listen to your body and follow your intuition. It’s very likely that once you’re in the situation, you will know just what to do. Only go as far as feels comfortable at that time. There’s no rush!

Be aware of your boundaries, communicate clearly with him and it will unfold naturally and beautifully.

Hope you have a fantastic date.

With love,




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