Missing intimacy and pleasure

Dear Rebecca,

My wife has been going through menopause for the last couple of years and has completely lost interest in sex. We had a pretty good sex life up till then and I’m missing the intimacy and pleasure from it. What can I do?



Hi Ben,

Thank you for your email. Often when one partner in a relationship goes through something that reduces their sex drive, not only can it put pressure on the relationship, but can leave the other person feeling confused. Here are a few suggestions for how might get the intimacy and pleasure you’re missing:

  1. See how you can help your wife. Menopause affects each woman differently and can even change as you go through it. If you want to feel more intimacy with her, ask her how you can support her through the menopause. She might just want you to listen with a patient ear, or there might be something practical you can do. If she feels you’re on her side and willing to support her, you will be feel an increased sense of intimacy that may open the door to more sexual intimacy.
  2. Take the focus off intercourse. Tell your wife that you’re missing the physical intimacy and pleasure you used to have together and that you’d like to find new ways of being together. Maybe you could take turns offering each other something pleasurable. You could give her a loving, sensual massage and she could kiss you all over your body. Or you could run her a romantic bath and she could rub your feet.
  3. Talk to your wife about the possibility of using sex toys together. Our website has a wide range of pleasure toys for men that you could explore. Have a look at the Rev1000, the Tenga collection, or a prostate massager.

Hope it all goes really well.

With love,



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