Is it ok to share sex toys with my friends?

Dear Rebecca,

A very dear girlfriend of mine came to stay with me recently and without asking me, used one of my dildos. She left it next to the bed & when I asked her about it in the morning she said she’d borrowed it. I didn’t feel good about that and haven’t used it since. Is it ok to share sex toys with friends?



Hi Diane,

Thank you for your email. I’m sorry to hear that your friend used your dildo without asking. I’m not surprised to hear that you didn’t feel right about that. For one, it doesn’t feel good for someone to be going through your private things and to use them without consent. Secondly, it is really not a good idea to share sex toys with someone. It’s very easy for dirt and bacteria to get stuck in the material, even if you wash them very carefully. Cross contamination can lead to infections or diseases. Even if she had used a condom on it, doesn’t take away the risk of getting bodily fluids, including blood on it. These fluids can carry infections and diseases that may not get washed away when you clean your toy.

If you are fluid-bonded with someone then you could share sex toys, but I would still strongly recommend putting a fresh condom on each time the toy is used somewhere different, especially from anus to anywhere else. This also goes for you using a toy anally then switching to your own vagina or mouth. Always use a fresh condom.

I would suggest that you either give your friend the toy or throw it away. Speak to her about how you feel and ask her to not use your toys in future. Perhaps you could hide them away or lock them up next time a friend comes to stay.

With love,


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