I’m a crossdresser but haven’t told my wife

Dear Rebecca,

I’m a happily married man, but I have a secret. I love to dress up as a woman and have even created an alter ego called Chrissie. I only ever dress up when my wife is away because I’m so afraid of being caught. I’d really like to be able to share this with my wife but am scared that she might not understand and even worse, might leave me. Can you help?



Hi Steve/Chrissie,

Thank you for your email. It’s difficult when we feel we have to hide a part of ourselves away from the ones we love. Obviously I don’t know much about you, your relationship or your situation, so it’s difficult for me to give you exact advice.

Generally speaking, I would suggest finding a way to talk to your wife about how you feel. Start by creating a relaxed and safe atmosphere and telling her that you’d like to chat, to share some things that have been on your mind. Tell her that you feel a bit nervous or vulnerable and that you’d really like her to listen from a place of love. Reassure her, let her know how much you love her and how what you are going to say in no way affects how you feel about her.

Perhaps you could start by telling her how you came to know this about yourself or about the first time you tried on women’s clothing. Tell her how it makes you feel and that you’d like to share that part of yourself with her because you love her.

If telling her is absolutely out of the question for now, or if you’d like some extra support, try finding people in a similar situation to yours. There are lots of websites, online forums, clubs, and groups for men who like to dress up as women. Do some research and get in touch with people who would understand. Talking to someone who is either going through the same thing or has already navigated it will help and will give you some ideas about how to proceed with your wife.

With love,


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