I want to watch my girlfriend have sex with another man

Dear Rebecca,

I have a recurring fantasy of watching my girlfriend have sex with another man. In fact, it’s a fantasy I’ve had for years but never had the courage to tell anyone. I’d really like to tell my current girlfriend, but am afraid of what she might think. What should I do?



Dear Jim,

Thank you for your email. The fantasy of watching your girlfriend or wife having sex with another man is sometimes called cuckolding. Each person with this sort of fantasy has their own variation of what turns them on. Some men like to be tied up and forced to watch, some men like to be involved in some way and others like to be verbally humiliated.

If you’ve had this fantasy for a while, I’d suggest talking to your girlfriend about it. You could bring up the subject of fantasies and see how open she is to that. If you can get her to share some of her fantasies, that gives you the opportunity to share yours.

If she reacts well you could move on to talking about actually making it happen. Talk about how you might find the right man and what your ground rules would be.

If she doesn’t respond well perhaps you could talk about ways to create the fantasy just with the two of you. Maybe she could masturbate using a dildo or vibrator and tell you how good it feels to be with another man. She could narrate a fantasy and you could watch her.

Either way, it’s great to communicate openly and honestly with your partner. Sharing fantasies, whether your partner is up for it or not, is a great way to create intimacy and deepen the trust in your relationship.

With love,



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