I want to be a part of my girlfriend’s orgasm…

Dear Rebecca,

My girlfriend can only reach orgasm with use of a vibrator. She’s tried using her fingers, or mine or even oral, but nothing else works. She has to lie on her front and squeeze the vibrator between her legs. I feel quite left out and she would also like me to be more involved. Can you help?




Hi Fred,

Thanks for your email. It’s not unusual for a woman to have one particular way that is easiest for her to orgasm. There are definitely ways to expand her possibilities. For instance, you could stroke her back, bum, legs etc while she is lying on her front. Or you could hold her hand or even kiss her mouth and body. That would allow you to stay connected while she stimulates herself. Depending on her position, perhaps you could even eye-gaze with each other. You could also try a remote controlled vibrator. That way you have the remote and are totally a part of the action!

It’s very possible that your girlfriend could learn to orgasm in a new way. Our bodies get used to a particular way and to change that the body needs to be retrained. This would need to happen slowly, over time, with no pressure or rushing. She would need to be very relaxed and you would both need to allow plenty of time for a slow build up of arousal. It might take weeks, months or longer, but what a lot of fun and pleasure you’d both have along the way!

For some women, vibrators can, over time, numb or desensitise the clitoris/vulva and so not using the vibrator for a while could also help. Or she could try a vibrator with gentler settings for a while. Sometimes going for the ‘less is more’ option will start to bring back any dead or damaged nerve endings in her clitoris/vulva and eventually a lighter touch (from fingers, tongue, etc) will have more of an effect.

With love and delight,



Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.