I need a hug

Dear Rebecca,

My last relationship ended about 9 months ago and since then my life has been pretty devoid of any human contact. I work in an office where touch of any kind would be frowned upon. My family all live quite far away and I don’t see them very often. I have a few close friends but we aren’t touchy-feely together. This might sound sad, but I could really do with a hug and some affection. What do I do?



Hi Paul,

Thank you for your email. This doesn’t sound sad at all. Human touch, affection, hugs, etc are all essential parts of being able to thrive well. We need human contact, preferably loving human contact to survive. Research and studies done over the years has proved this over and over again, however we don’t need research to tell us that which we already know instinctively.

I have a few suggestions for how you can get some touch and affection back into your life, you’ll just have to choose which ones feel right for you.

  1. Get a massage or other type of bodywork. Massage is good for us for many reasons and one of those reasons is that it is direct touch to your body.
  2. Learn a partnered type of dance. Tango and salsa come to mind, and there are lots of other types too. If you take regular classes you’ll get to meet new people, touch and be touched and have fun learning something new!
  3. Go to a Cuddle Party! Cuddle Parties are facilitated events that give attendees the opportunity to cuddle and be cuddled within preset boundaries. It might sound scary or weird, but I know lots of people that have been to these events and loved them.
  4. Visit a tantra or sacred sexuality practitioner. These professionals will be able to offer you loving touch in a very held and safe space.
  5. Ask your friends. I know you said you’re not very touchy-feely together, but if you have even one close friend that you could ask for a hug, you might be surprised at the reaction. Your friends might be very willing and even want to hug you, and just not know how to go about it. It can never hurt to ask.

I wish you the best of luck and am sending plenty of cyber hugs in the meantime.

With love,


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