How often should a man come?

Dear Rebecca,

I have a really high sex drive and like to come at least twice a day, sometimes three times a day. Recently I’ve read that that isn’t so good for men and so I’m a bit confused. What are your thoughts on how often a man should come?




Hi David,

Thank you for your email. Yes, it can be confusing reading through different websites, books and other materials about what is right or wrong regarding your sexuality. Some sacred sexuality teachers suggest that a man should learn to ‘master’ his sexual energy and only come once a year. Other sources would say every 4-6 weeks and some would say that twice a day is fine.

From my personal and extended professional experiences, I would say that what is right for each man depends on his individual circumstances but that most men should not come more than once a day. Let me clarify that by saying that I am talking particularly about ejaculation rather than orgasm.

Most men (and women for that matter) don’t realise that orgasm and ejaculation are two separate events that usually happen at the same time. Orgasm is the energetic release of energy from the body, combined with the pleasurable and euphoric feelings that may accompany it. Ejaculation is the expulsion of semen from the body. They can happen together or separately.

In my opinion, a man can orgasm all day long if he likes, but I would only recommend that he ejaculates once a day or less. Most men don’t know naturally how to separate ejaculation from orgasm and so in order to ejaculate less and still enjoy their sexuality fully, this is a great thing for them to learn.

It also depends on what your aim is with your sexuality. If all you know how to do with it is fuck or wank, then you are missing out on a lot of fun and pleasure you could be having. Learning new ways to experience your sexual energy and your sexuality gives you more options so that you don’t feel that ejaculation is your only route to pleasure or relief.

Hope this is helpful for you.

With love,


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