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How do we start to explore BDSM?

Dear Rebecca,


We’ve just found out that some friends of ours are into BDSM. We talked to them about it and found that we were quite aroused by some of the things they said. Could you give us an idea of how to start exploring for ourselves?

Thanks,

Barry and Tina

 

Hi Barry and Tina,

Thank you for your letter. BDSM is a vast area to explore and there are lots of ways to dip your toes in the water to find out what you like. BDSM stands for Bondage, Dominance, Discipline, Sadism, Submission and Masochism. Sounds a bit scary when you spread it out like that but when you look deeper into it you find that it can be really liberating, expanding and lots of fun. When practiced with consciousness, elements of BDSM can open up your sex life and deepen your connection with your partner.

First of all, I would suggest that you both talk about the various elements, do some research online or read to find out where you’d like to start. Most people find that they are interested in certain areas of kink, but not all areas. Maybe you already know what you’d like to try.

Something simple to start with would be sensory play. Set up your space, get all of the things you want to play with out and put them within easy reach. Decide who’s going first and if they’re up for it, blindfold them. Removing one of your senses heightens the other ones and can make sensory play go from nice to out of this world! You could also try some light bondage with handcuffs. Help the person who is receiving to lie down and get comfortable, then start with some soft, gentle touch. You can use your hand, furry materials, silks, feathers or anything else you have at home. Make sure to include the whole body and not concentrate on any one area. After a while you might like to build the energy up with a cold ice massager, hot wax or massage oil, or a spiky wartenburg wheel. It’s always best to try what you’re using on yourself first so you know what it feels like. Watch the reaction you get from your partner. If they’re moaning and writhing or their breath has deepened, it’s likely that they’re enjoying themselves. Check in with them from time to time to make sure. If you want to carry on, you could add in nipple clamps, light impact play with a soft rubber whip,  or whatever else takes your fancy. Every now and then give them some reassuring soft strokes with your hand. You might want to bring them to orgasm or not, depending on what you’ve agreed and what feels right at the time. When you’re ready, bring the energy back down slowly, eventually returning to the furry or silky materials and your hand. Finally, remove the blindfold and have a good old fashioned cuddle. Talk about how it was for both of you.

There are lots of  areas to explore such as bondage, power exchange, impact play, electric play, and so much more. It’s really important to learn how to be safe so I would strongly recommend attending some workshops or classes. With any area of BDSM, even the ones that seem simple, it’s possible to cause damage or get into a sticky situation. If you want to dive deeper into any particular area of BDSM, make sure you educate yourselves and keep communication open between you as you learn.  Just a few simple lessons can make a big difference and help you to open up your sex life in new exciting ways. Wishing you tons of juicy fun together!

With love and delight,

Rebecca

 

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