How do I tell my partner I want to use a vibe during sex?

Dear Rebecca,

My partner and I have only been together about 3 months and the sex is really great. The only thing is that I struggle to orgasm by penetration alone and would really like to use my vibrator on my clit during sex. How do I tell my partner this without him thinking something’s wrong?



Hi Emily,

Thank you for your email.  Although some women can orgasm with penetration alone, most women seem to need clitoral stimulation either on it’s own or with penetration to get them ‘over the edge’.

I would suggest having a really open and honest conversation with your partner. You can use what I often call the ‘sandwich technique’. Start by giving him a compliment or telling him something that’s really working for you. Maybe you just love when he nibbles your ears or how he pinches your nipples at just the right time. Then tell him that to have really great orgasms, you love the feel of a vibrator on your clit when he’s inside you. Maybe you could show him a vibe or two and how you like to use them. You could also ask him if there’s anything he’d like to try or add to the proceedings. Finish by telling him how much you’re enjoying your expanding sex life and how good he makes you feel.

Best of luck to both of you!

With love,


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