How do I tell my partner I want to play with sex toys?

Dear Rebecca,

My partner and I have been together for a few months and have really great sex. I’d really like for us to use a few sex toys together, maybe start with something simple like a vibrator for me or a cock ring for him. I’m scared to mention it in case it upsets him though. Do you have any suggestions for how to ask him if he’d be up for it?



Hi Tracey,

Thank you for your email.  How wonderful that you’d like to add some sex toys to your already great sex life. Although it can feel a bit intimidating to bring up something new, you never know until you try.  Try warming him up with a compliment first. Something like ‘I love it when you…’ or ‘Wow, honey we have such great sex together.’ Then just calmly add something like ‘What do you think about trying a sex toy or two together?’ Give him a minute to think about it. He might be really up for it and grateful that you brought it up, or not sure. If he’s not, be more specific about what you’re interested and how it would add to your sex life.

If you already have the sex toys you want to use, you could get them out and show him. Show him what you have in mind. If you don’t already have them, spend some time together looking through our website and talking about what you might like to try.

Good luck!

With love,



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