We’ve been having some sexual issues lately and are just not sure what to do about them. For various reasons sex has all but stopped and we can’t quite seem to find our way back to it. Sex was great when we first got together and we love each other very much. Any ideas what might help us?
Lynn and Steve
Hi Lynn and Steve,
Thank you for your email. It’s difficult to give you advice specific to your situation without knowing more of the details. There are, however, a few general things you could try to get your sex life back on track.
Make a ‘no sex’ ban for one month – Believe it or not, knowing that there’s a ban on penetrative sex for one month will relieve a lot of the pressure one or both of you might be feeling. This in turn allows you to explore intimacy from a fresh new perspective without feeling like it has to go somewhere. Concentrate on being present with each other, exploring sexy sensations and getting to know each other’s bodies all over again.
Focus on the present – Spend some time together talking your relationship as it is right now. Don’t go over old stuff from the past or project what might occur in the future. Just be with each other in the moment and focus on what’s good, what’s working, why you love each other. Tell your partner three things you love about them right now and ask them to do the same. Make this a daily or weekly ritual.
Seek professional help – There are all sorts of professionals that might be able to help you rekindle your love life. Choosing the right one for you will depend on your particular issues and how you’d like to approach them. You might like to see a couple’s counselor, a sex therapist or a tantra teacher.