First time with my new girlfriend

Dear Rebecca,

I’m in a new relationship and my new girlfriend is a virgin. We’ve talked a lot about sex and she says she is ready but I’m a bit nervous that I’ll hurt her. Also, I’d really like her first time to be special. Any ideas how to do that?



Hi Thomas,

Thank you for your email. How lovely that your new girlfriend is happy to have her first sexual experience with you. I’m so happy to hear that you want to make it special for her. I’d recommend creating a whole romantic, loving experience from start to finish.

Perhaps you could cook her dinner and then treat her to an evening of sensual delights. Light some candles and give her a soothing massage, not just with your hands, but with soft materials such as feathers and silks. Help her to be really present in her body and relaxed.

Take your time with foreplay. Kiss her all over her body and watch how she responds. As things start to heat up, check in with her. Make sure that she’s ready. If she’s unsure you can slow things down or stop. Hold her close and reassure her that it’s ok to go at her pace.

If she wants to carry on, make sure she is very wet before you try to enter her. I’d recommend using your fingers first so she can get used to feeling something inside her. Once that feels comfortable to her, you can move towards penetration with your penis. Have plenty of lubricant on hand just in case you need it. You want it to feel as comfortable and pleasurable as possible for you both.

Keep communicating with each other. Take it slow to start with and follow her energy. If one position doesn’t work, try another. She might prefer to be on top the first time so that she can control things more.

Don’t focus on your own orgasm the first time. If you orgasm, that’s great, but don’t make it the desired result. However it ends, spend lots of time cuddling and snuggling afterwards. Talk about what worked and what might not have and how you can change things for next time. Be really gentle and loving with each other.

Wishing you lots of romantic, sensual and sexy fun together.

With love,



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