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Do I tell my friends?

Dear Rebecca,


My girlfriend and I enjoy experimenting sexually and one of the things we’ve both come to love is her using a strap-on on me. It was one of the things that I thought I’d never try, but am so glad that I did. Now I hear some of my friends complaining that their sex lives are a bit dry and I want to tell them to try this, but I’ve noticed I feel a bit embarrassed to. I’m worried about what they might think of me or what they might say. What would you suggest?

Thanks,

Rob

Hi Rob,

Thank you for your email. How wonderful that you have been able to explore new things and that you’ve found something that you and your girlfriend really love.

I really appreciate that you want to share your experiences with your friends for their benefit. I also understand your hesitance to open yourself to being vulnerable with them. It can be devastating to reveal an intimate part of ourselves only to have it dashed to the ground or misunderstood.

It might be useful for you to look deeper into the reasons you feel embarrassed. It could be that there is some societal shame lurking that isn’t serving you. See if you can just witness it there and allow it to dissolve. It isn’t who you really are, it’s just conditioning – a belief or thought that you picked up along the way. Now would be a great time to let it go.

As for sharing with your friends, I would suggest being discerning about whom you tell and how you tell them. If you trust your friends to listen with an open heart and to love you no matter what, feel free to share, even if it’s just with one or two of them rather than the whole group. If you feel like they might tease you or misunderstand what you’re telling them, perhaps start with a question. Ask them if they’ve ever thought of trying something a little bit different in their sex lives. If so, ask what they’ve tried first. Get them talking and opening up. You’ll soon know if you feel safe enough to tell them what’s on your mind.

I wish you the best of luck and hope it all goes smoothly.

With love,

Rebecca

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