This is really embarrassing, but my last boyfriend told me I was a terrible kisser. I asked him how I could improve, but he wasn’t very helpful. He just made me feel worse until I didn’t want to kiss him anymore. Now that I’m single I want to learn how to kiss so I don’t have that problem in my next relationship. Can you help me please?
Thank you for your letter. It can really hurt when someone we love and trust tells us we’re bad at something intimate. It’s very likely that you’re a fabulous kisser and that you two just didn’t click. Kissing is very instinctual and will be different with each person that you kiss. Every pair of kissers has their own unique chemistry.
Sometimes tension around the mouth and jaw can make kissing a bit stiff or stilted. Just as athletes stretch before they run or swim, a bit of facial stretching will get your kissing muscles ready. Try some ‘face yoga’. Open your mouth as wide as you can, give your jaw a good deep stretch. Stick your tongue out a few times, even make sound if you want to. Use your fingertips to massage little circles around the jaw, starting near your ears and working down towards your chin.
Another thing you can do to prepare is to practise your puckering. This will loosen your lips up, release tension in your face and build up your confidence. Try it out on the back of your hand. First just touch your lips (not puckered) to your hand and see what that feels like. Then over pucker your lips and touch them to your hand and see what that feels like. Then just play around with all the different ways your lips can touch, caress and kiss your hand. Pay attention to your lips and what they are feeling. Notice the different sensations on the outside and inside of your lips. Experiment with being sensual, playful, seductive and erotic. Notice what feels good. Chances are that what feels good to you is going to feel good to someone else. For a bit of fun and confidence building you could try the Delicious Kisser lip plumper. It will give your lips a slightly tingling feeling and taste delicious for both you and your partner.
When it comes to an actual kiss, make sure you really want to be kissing this person! It’s just not going to work as well with someone you aren’t drawn to. Once you’ve got your kissing partner there in front of you, relax your body, your shoulders, your jaw and face. As he leans in towards you, you can lean towards him and tilt your head to one side. Take it all really slowly. Once your lips meet, savour the moment. It’s so delicious when your lips first touch! Remember to breathe. Play with different levels of pressure, soft and gentle first and then press a little more passionately. If you’re unsure, follow his lead as if you were dancing together. If it feels right you can slowly part your lips just a little bit so that your kisses get deeper and more intimate. If you want to use your tongue, make sure that it is soft and relaxed. Explore slowly, tease his lips with your tongue and if he’s up for it he will respond with his own tongue. Don’t try too hard, just allow it to feel natural. Once you and your partner get in tune with each other the energy of the kiss will take over and guide you. Just surrender to it, relax and enjoy!
With love and delight,