I used to be really sexually confidant and up for anything. Since becoming a mum though, I’m struggling to be my old sexy self and instead feel like I have to be a ‘good mum’. Is this normal?? Can I be both?
Thank you for your email. First of all, congratulations on becoming a mum! Second of all, it’s actually quite common for new mums to go through a phase of realigning their new roles as mum to their sexuality. Suddenly your body is not quite your own (especially if you’re breastfeeding), your hormones may still be all over the place and you’re in a completely new part of your life.
Sadly, our society seems to have separated sexuality from motherhood so that you either see images of women as ‘mum’ or ‘sexy’ but never the two together. This is a great shame because of course women don’t stop being sexy or sexual once they become mums. So often it is easy to be lead by the images we see in the media about how we should be, even if our very own nature is telling us otherwise.
It’s funny (and sad) to think that as a culture, we feel like once we’ve had a child we should not be sexual anymore, when in fact it is sex that made us a parent in the first place!
It is absolutely possible to be a sexual woman at the same time as being a fantastic mum. In fact, being sexual can even help you to be a great mum. Sex can help you to relax, to have some time just with yourself or your partner, to feel connected, alive and satisfied. What great qualities for a mum to feel!
The way you express your sexuality might be slightly different for a while. You might be more tired or have different needs for now. That’s ok. You’ve had a big change in your life and it can take some time to find your way again. Be patient while you rediscover yourself and your sexuality in relation to being a mum. Give yourself permission to be your full sexual self and a great mum at the same time!