“All I want for Christmas is you”… It’s all well and good saying that, but it’s not really the truth is it? If it was, no one of us would ever get any presents, we’d just be sat there in a sulk, present-less, with our partners watching the EastEnders Christmas special. The festive season is a time for giving, and receiving – it’s also a time when we can make a few demands about what we really want. As kids we’d all write out a list to Santa (i.e. our parents) and promise that we’d been good all year. Sadly, once you discover that Father Christmas is really dad, or mum, dressed in a beard and red suit you stop writing out lists… but I’m bringing the Christmas list back, adult-style, and I suggest you do the same with your partner – it’ll certainly make emptying Santa’s sack a lot more fun (boom boom!). So here we go…

Dear Santa,

My behaviour this year has been impeccable (yeah right) and I think I deserve to have the following presents delivered to me (by reindeer-powered courier) on 25.12.2011, before 9am.

A massage kit:
I’m a big, big fan of massages – both giving and receiving – in fact I probably like giving them more than I do having them. Sometimes there’s nothing better to get you in the mood than turning the heating up, putting some candles on, flicking on some chilled music and getting naked with your partner for a seductive rub down. Massages are great because you can really wind down and relax with each other, explore each others’ bodies and indulge in an extended foreplay session before you get down to business – by which time both of you will be oiled up, feeling sensual yet relaxed and no doubt ready to ravish one another.

Bondage kit:
Pretty much the opposite of a soft, sensual massage, a bit of bondage goes down just as well with me as a romantic evening. Bondage doesn’t have to be completely rough anyway, tying up and blindfolding a partner then teasing them until they’re literally begging me to stop is definitely a penchant of mine. So, a nice little kit that contains all the necessary items (ankle and wrist restraints, blindfolds, feathers and so on…) is a perfect Christmas gift. Rather than get each other the usual perfume and underwear, you can swap ideas on what kind of bondage gear you can both buy for each other and save your naughty gifts for a private moment after the family dinner.

Spanish Fly:
This is so old school I remember my friends talking about it when I was a teenager, but I’ve never tried it. So I thought putting in a request to Santa would be a perfect opportunity to get my hands on this aphrodisiac… while most of the time it’s not a problem getting it up, sometimes we have the odd hiccup and, even if you don’t, Spanish Fly can add a little bit spice to a Christmas sex session. Why not eh, I’ll try almost anything once – who knows what effect it will have until you’ve tried it.

Lube!
As I said about the Spanish Fly, sometimes a little assistance is needed for the fun to ensue. But, even if you don’t really need it, lube can enhance the sexual experience ten-fold. Every now and then it’s nice just to pop some out, lube up and have a slippery smooth tumble in the bedroom (or wherever you’re getting down to it)… this is one of those ‘little treats’ you’ll be opening, the equivalent to getting a bar of soap or something. Both parties can benefit hugely from a bit of lube – on the odd occasion when the woman may be a little dry or maybe tightened up a bit too much, lube is great. Likewise for the man, it can be amazing for handjobs (as most men will tell you, a dry handjob is probably one of the biggest turn offs ever, especially if the woman treats your manhood like it’s a jammed gear stick).

A Santa outfit:
I’m not hugely into dressing up, well I like a woman to dress up but personally I’m not majorly into putting an outfit (maybe a burglar or policeman at a push). However, for the comedy value, and because this is my Christmas list, a Santa outfit has to be one of my festive wishes. I think having a sense of humour towards your sex life is really important, taking it all too seriously just makes the whole experience quite unpleasant – if you can’t laugh when you’re naked and making funny faces/noises then when can you can laugh?! So yeah, the usual ‘Santa needs to empty his sack. Sit on my knee. I’m gonna come down the chimney. Have you been a good girl?’ lines will obviously come into play, as well as the hilarity of actually being in a silly costume… which you can then expand into a bondage session, or maybe unwrap a few surprise presents. Let your imagination run riot…

Yours Sincerely,
Marcus.